


Connie Swap Episode 1: Gem Glow

by br42, BurdenKing, MjStudioArts



Series: Connieswap [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Art, Fight Scenes, Gen, Momswap, Monster of the Week, Pictures, Slice of Life, Steven Universe AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-07-22 11:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7435642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurdenKing/pseuds/BurdenKing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MjStudioArts/pseuds/MjStudioArts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So much can change when an actor must be replaced. A play can lose something that others had come to love, something many thought to be part of its soul. It can be a confusing experience, hearing a voice you've come to know like family be replaced with someone new. But this change can lead to its own experiences, its own journey, that you may end up becoming familiar with as well.</p><p>Connie starts her days as normal, running an errand for her caretakers, the Crystal Gems. However, this day will not be like before. Today is the beginning of her journey, and the end of the peace the Crystal Gems worked so hard to win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Snack Attack

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Steven Universe AU, which can be sorta seen as a mix of the Connie swap AU (Where Connie and Steven switch places) and the Momswap AU (Where the Crystal Gems are replaced with Jasper, Peridot, and Lapis Lazuli).
> 
> Events in the episodes that run parallel to the show will often be changed, as the characters and their surroundings diverge from canon. Some episodes will be shortened, others lengthened, and some replaced entirely.
> 
> Credits:  
> -BurdenKing  
> -Cocoa (MjStudioArt)
> 
> Art:  
> -Cocoa (MjStudioArts)  
> http://mjstudioarts.tumblr.com/  
> Editor:  
> BadJohn
> 
> Additional Thanks:  
> DistantRed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this chapter before April 5th, 2017 then you may notice it now reads a little differently. By the start of Episode 3 our team found a style that we were pretty happy with, and now our editor and co-writer, BR42, is going back and revising these old chapters to match.

Connie walked across the well-worn sandy path between her home and the Big Donut. The squat, one-story shop was immediately recognizable due to the huge, upright, chocolate sprinkle donut mounted on its roof, and it was the fastest way for Connie to complete a snack run for Lapis.

Connie stopped a few paces away from the entrance, looking over the shop and, perhaps, steeling herself for the rigors of conversing with people other than her caregivers. 

The store was well-kept, the tables wiped down and the chairs straightened. The interior glistened with frosted confections and glass displays as well as a panoply of snacks in eye-catching colors. Two people were working within, both wearing the black slacks and purple, logo-emblazoned shirts that identified them as Big Donut employees.

Connie made one last glance at her list, took a breath, and entered, a bell giving a light ‘ding-a-ling’ to announce her. Sadie paused from stocking the display case to give Connie a friendly wave. “Heya Connie. What brings you here?”

Connie smiled back, though perhaps not so broadly as the short and stocky blonde. “H-hi Sadie. Lapis has the munchies again, so I’m just here to pick up the usual.”

Sadie nodded, then gestured to a display of candies behind the counter. “We also got a new stock of those sour worms Peridot likes. Or do you buy those for the big one? Starts with a ‘J’...” she finished, her brow furrowed while looking into the middle-distance.

“Jasper, and she doesn’t really like to eat food so, no, I just get them for Peridot. Thanks for the suggestion; I’ll take a pack of those too,” Connie answered as she began gathering Lapis’ snacks.

After grabbing a few items Connie paused, waiting politely for the other employee, a lanky teen with gauged ears and carrot-orange hair named Lars, to move away from the baked chip display. Connie rocked on her heels, frowned, then cleared her throat, all while Lars worked with angst-riddled slowness. 

“Yeah, yeah, hold your horses, will ya?” he snapped, pulling himself upright and walking a couple paces away. He leaned against a wall and pulled out his phone, becoming instantly distracted. 

Connie glowered at him while grabbing a single bag of baked chips. If he noticed, he didn’t show it.

A display Connie had long ignored sported a new sign that drew her attention. _Clearance! Hisscontinued_ , read the oddly designed Cookie Cat cooler that sat between a coffee machine and an assortment of cupcakes. Connie raised an inquisitive eyebrow, though whether from the enigma that was cat-themed novelty ice cream or the punny choice of spelling was unclear.

“Oh hey,” chimed Sadie, “I see that old Cookie Cat machine caught your eye. It’s a shame they’re going out of business.” The blonde spared a moment in her work to shrug philosophically and add, “They weren’t half bad.”

Without looking up from his phone, Lars’ cut in. “Pffft. Cookie Cat? Good riddance. They had the stupidest theme song ever.”

Sadie just chuckled, her voice partially muffled by the display counter she had her head in. “You’re just saying that because the kid from yesterday wouldn’t stop singing it.” The display case’s contents tidily arranged, she straightened up to stretch her back, then looked to Connie. “You ever had one, Connie? If not, this is probably your last chance.”

Connie, who was reading the health details on the back of a Cookie Cat she’d withdrawn from the freezer, shook her head. “No. Dad and Peridot wouldn’t approve: too many trans fats; too much cholesterol.”

Sadie rubbed the back of her neck and gave a weak chuckle. “Yeah, you weren’t here for this but Peridot came in not long after you first shopped here. She spent three hours scanning the place with those robot hands of hers.”

Lars, who had walked behind the counter to sit on a nearby stool, added, “Those things are freaky.” He received both a glare and an elbow in the side from Sadie, but he just rolled his eyes and resumed doing… whatever it was he was doing on the phone’s touchscreen.

“Anyway,” said Sadie as she gave Connie an apologetic look, “at the end, she gave each of us a lecture about heart disease and diabetes that was, um, quite detailed.”

“More like, ‘excruciating’. She’s almost as dull as those old training videos,” elaborated Lars as he propped his feet up on the counter Sadie had recently wiped down.

Connie facepalmed with her free hand. _So THAT’S where Peridot was during the_ Under The Knife _marathon_ , she thought, a little mortified.

A chill in her fingers caused Connie to snap to with a sly expression... and transfer the snack to her bag. “Well, you know what? Peridot’s not here now. And they’re on sale, so I think I’ll take one in place of my usual chips.”

She carried her purchases, sans chips, over to the counter and added, “I mean, one isn’t going to kill me.”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!” exclaimed Sadie as she rang up the items. She then gave Connie a conspiratorial grin, “And if you’re feeling nervous about it, you could always split it with me. Half the trans fats that way.”

Connie’s moment of transgressive boldness faltered. “O-oh, uh, no, that’s fine. Thanks though,” she stammered out while paying then collecting her things.

Sadie gave her a reassuring smile while Lars, unnoticed, rolled his eyes for the nth time that day. “Don’t sweat it, I was only joking. Anyway, I assume you won’t be wanting this receipt, right?”

Connie chuckled, looking a touch relieved. “Yeah, no receipt. I don’t think I want a paper trail for this snack run.”

“Sure. Have a good one, Connie. Tell Lapis I said ‘hi’,” called the blonde with a wave goodbye. After a beat of silence, Sadie elbowed Lars once more, causing the redhead to grumble something that could possibly be construed as a polite goodbye... if you were feeling generous.

“I will. Bye!” replied Connie as the bell once more rang.

Connie began the trek across the sand and back to the Beach House.

Sadie smiled, as though basking in the success of another satisfied customer. Lars pocketed his phone and stood, heading for the hallway that led into the back of the shop. “I’mma go take a nap. Cover for me?”

He was already out of sight before Sadie could answer, and the humming Sadie heard meant he’d already slid his earbuds into place. 

“Wait! Lars!” protested Sadie before adding a resigned, ‘aaah nuts.’ Then she noticed the chip display that Lars had left mid-task. “Man… I don’t get paid enough for this,” she said to no one.

* * *

Connie examined the illicit snack’s exterior, as though to savor every stage of her small act of caloric rebellion. _Artisanal craftsmanship_ , she thought nodding in approval. _Not at all like those awful Lion Lickers, made, no doubt, for profit and profit alone by bleary-eyed factory workers_ , she inwardly fulminated.

As the cookie part began to grow doughy, Connie wasted no further time. Taking a small bite, she closed her eyes, a look of attentive serenity on her face.

_Clearly Cookie Cat left his family behind to bring this joyous taste to the mouths of the world_ , she rhapsodized. _A true hero. Now, if only he made gelato too…_

As Connie ascended the stairs to the Beach House she quickly finished off the rest of the treat, stuffed the wrapper into her pocket, briskly licked her fingers clean, then assumed a neutral expression on her face.

_The perfect crime._

* * *

The house was quiet. Connie looked around as she put away the treats but saw no one. Then she cocked her head to the side, eyes wide in recognition, and ran over to the couch leaping the coffee table in the process.

Working quickly, she removed several of the cushions and threw them into a heap in the center of the living room. A second after the last pillow was in place a previously-muted shout was interrupted by a loud ‘crash!’, then it resumed even louder than before. A white-and-orange blur crashed into the ad hoc landing pad, covered in several long, green shapes.

“Whoa! What are those things?” asked Connie as she stepped off the couch and advanced cautiously on the orange warrior’s clash. Jasper held up a hand, extending her index finger as if to say ‘give me a moment.’ Connie complied instantly. 

Jasper then caught hold of two of the creatures biting at her legs, holding them up in her large, powerful hands. As the assailants thrashed to and fro, unable to break the warriors grip, Connie was able to examine them: long, green, segmented bodies began with large mandibles and ended with a pronged tail. Inside each maw glared a single, angry eye.

 _So this week’s flavor of gem monster is… cyclopean centipedes. Huh,_ thought Connie.

“Watch this,” exclaimed the Orange gem in her gruff voice before slamming the beasts together; goo and bits of chitin flying all over the room.

Connie yelped and dodged the viscera; it disappeared quickly, but not before melting bits of carpet and couch.

Jasper’s broad chest and arms were splashed as well, sizzling. The gem laughed, reveling in the brawl. 

Plucking another centipeetle off her torso, she hauled back and hammered it with a resounding knuckle sandwich. “Pow!” barked Jasper, face animated, as the centipeetle flew across the room and crashed into a wall, vanishing in a puff of smoke: ‘poofed’ as the gems called it.

Two of the creatures skittered up into Jasper’s long hair, trying and failing to snap at the warrior’s nose/gemstone. Jasper gave a brief war whoop then leapt forward and became a whirling ball, features blurred by the speed. Through sheer velocity and toughness, Jasper ground the last two centipeetles on her into rapidly-poofing fragments.

A single remaining centipeetle, thrown free in the initial crash and attempting to flee, was snatched up by the towering gem. Jasper looked at Connie with her usual stern, dispassionate expression, gave a small nod, then said, “Here, squirt, this one’s yours,” and tossed the beast to Connie.

Connie had just enough time to grab the nearest solid object before catching the full weight of the centipeedle to her chest. She may have been thrown off balance, but Connie’s training ensured she spun and landed on top of her opponent. Putting her knee on its chest, she held up her… candlestick?

Connie gave a groan of frustration…

...but made do, swinging the blunt object hard, dazing the creature as the candlestick shattered in half over its hard, plated head.

“Keep your weight centered. Don’t overcommit to your attack,” Jasper instructed.

Despite it’s unusual body shape and energetic wriggling, Connie held fast, a look of absolute determination on her face. _This is a test, a test of years of lessons and I’m going to WIN,_ shouted the girl to herself as she rained blows upon her inhuman opponent.

A beat later, the sound of a small helicopter-like device pierced through the sound of the melee, followed by the heavy clunk of metal landing on wooden floors. 

Peridot gasped. “Connie, what are you doing?!” Kitted with metallic limb enhancers that bolstered her… compact form, the Green gem looked mortified to see Connie grappling a monster.

Connie was figuratively thrown by Peridot’s arrival and literally thrown by the centipeetle that capitalized on her distracted state; Connie landed in a heap. 

The bug-like beast hissed, rearing back in anticipation of striking the girl, acid percolating in its maw. In a flash, Jasper stepped in front of Connie and stared the now-intimidated centipeetle down. It opted to flee.

“Oh no you don’t!” exclaimed Peridot pointing an arm out in front, tracking the small target. “Eat this, you hundred-legged CLOD!” 

Four of Peridot’s fingers gathered around the fifth, forming a cannon. Energy pooled into a sphere that Peridot released, the blast demolishing the centipeetle.

Without waiting to celebrate, the Green gem rushed to Connie’s side, taking her charge’s small, brown hand in her own of floating digits and metal. Helping her to her feet, Peridot unloaded a barrage of questions. 

“Are you alright? Take three deep breaths for me. How many fingers am I holding up?” she asked frantically. Continuing without giving Connie a chance to answer, she added, “Squeeze my hand for a grip test. Do you know your name? Do you know where you are?!”

Connie pushed the gem’s floating phalanges away, sighed, then forced a weak smile. “I’m fine, ma’am. I had it under control,” she reassured while dusting off her clothes. 

Peridot scowled slightly and began scanning Connie with her limb enhancer, holographic displays dancing over Connie’s body and producing in-depth readouts of her anatomy. Most prominently, Connie’s gem was displayed as Peridot scrutinized it for signs of damage.

Peridot looked up at Connie, a characteristically stressed expression on her face. “Right, you had it under control,” she deadpanned. “Oh wait, no you didn’t. It was more like you were trying to get acquainted with a FACEFUL OF ACID! What were you thinking?” 

Peridot’s scan resumed, this time focusing on the welfare of Connie’s organic parts.

“Peridot, I’m fine. Honest…” Connie whined, arms extended out to her side, palms open to facilitate the examination.

“You will be fine when I say you are fine.”  
‘DING’ sounded the limb.  
“You are now fine.”

Peridot gave a relieved smile, waving away the myriad displays. That done, she took on a stern expression, bending down to better look Connie in the eyes. “Now, why on this planet would you attempt to take on a monster on your own? You know you’re not prepared!”

Connie scowled back. “But I am! Jasper tossed it to me and said it was mine to handle. She thinks I’m ready, why don’t you?!” A beat later she added a perfunctory, ‘ma’am.’

Peridot groaned, one quartet of fingers gripping her hair, “Because you’re not. You’re a twelve-year-old half-human who is still forming, not a quartz warrior emerging battle-ready! Speaking of…” she said, turning towards Jasper.

“You!” she accused, marching on a warpath directly towards the Orange gem, pointing a single finger in their face.

Jasper crossed her arms, unfazed as she met the Green gem’s stare. Jasper towered over Peridot, even with the latter’s limb enhancers. “What about me?”

“Why would you risk Connie like that? She could have been hurt, or worse!”, Peridot said, voice growing shrill with concern.

Jasper shrugged. “It was only a little centipeetle; the squirt was doing fine up until she wasn’t.”

With that, Jasper turned to Connie, frowning. “You let yourself get distracted. It’s a good thing it bucked you off before it started barfing up acid, else you would have gotten singed.”

Connie recoiled from the rebuke. “But-but it’s not my fault! Peridot was yelling at me-” she said before being silenced by a cutting motion from the large gem.

“The battlefield will always be loud and full of distractions. It’s up to you to concentrate. War isn’t a test; you’re responsible for controlling your focus, and you and others will suffer for your failure.” 

Connie looked away and slumped her shoulders in defeat.

Jasper’s frown softened slightly. “Your combat aptitude is improving but you need to live your lessons, not just follow them. You’re either a warrior or you're not; on the battlefield, there’s no middle ground,” instructed the large gem.

Peridot leapt into the conversational gap. “See! You just admitted that she’s not ready for combat. She hasn’t manifested any of her powers. She hasn’t even summoned her weapon! Or do you expect her to fight everything with a candlestick?” she added, gesturing back at Connie and the ruined implement.

Jasper looked back to Peridot and narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t say that!” she denied, running a hand through her thick, wild hair before jabbing a finger in Peridot’s direction. “Don’t twist my words in front of the squirt. You’ll confuse her!”

“More like I’ll confuse you, you-you simpleton CLOD!” exclaimed Peridot, finishing the insult with a satisfied, ‘nyahahaha’. Jasper cracked her knuckles and Peridot seemed suddenly aware of just how little distance there was between them.

 _I know she wouldn’t hurt Peridot,_ thought Connie as she observed the conflict between the two, _but I’d still be nervous in that position. The threat of a Jasper-noogie is not an idle one._

It was at this moment that a blue gem flew in through the new hole in the ceiling, propelled on wings of water, a big smile on her face. 

“Hey Jasper! The mop-up outside is going just peachy. I’m up to twenty-three, how about y-” she stopped mid-boast and mid-air as she took in the scene before her.

Jasper seemed to want to both grin and frown at Lapis’ appearance, Peridot looked relieved, and Connie gave a friendly smile and wave.

The Blue gem landed delicately on the ground, rubbing the back of her head and giving a small chuckle. “So, I take it something bad happened?”

Peridot sighed, turning away from the large warrior. “No, nothing bad happened… this time.”

Jasper agreed with Peridot with a small, silent nod.

Lapis smiled, laughing away the tension. “Hahaha, good! ‘Cause I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t see a gem with any of those mini-peetles.”

Connie looked curious. “Yeah, I didn’t see one either; when they poofed they were just… gone.” 

She then turned to Peridot and asked, “Does that mean these were, like, little clones or minions from the actual monster, ma’am?”

Peridot took a didactic pose, thumb-equivalent and finger framing her chin. “Possibly. These could have been small manifestations of a much larger and more powerfu-wait a minute!” she said, spinning on her heels toward Connie. “You are not getting involved here, missy. We have this under control and I’m not putting you in danger for a second time in one day.”

Peridot adjusted the visor on her face, then looked in the area around Connie. “Besides, you have homework you need to finish, don’t you? You may be on schedule in your studies now, but setbacks like these could disrupt you in the long-term.”

Connie looked a little like a kid caught trying to sneak out at night before she managed to master her expression. “I already completed the assignment, ma’am. I left it on the kitchen counter by… the… phone?”

Where the phone had been there was now a deformed mass of plastic and circuitry; just below it, an acid-damaged countertop covered in dissolved pulp.

“I don’t see anything other than a phone I’ll need to rebuild, again, and externally-digested wood fibers,” Peridot said, arms crossed as she examined the scene.

Lapis walked over to the area. “And good mahogany ruined,” she added with a hint of sadness. 

However, her eyebrows perked up when she noticed the partially unpacked Big Donut bag, fortuitously spared from dissolution. “Hey, Snacks!” she cheered, before stuffing an entire donut in her mouth, pumping her fist, and exclaiming with full cheeks, “Yeff!”

Peridot looked at Lapis for a moment, an eyebrow raised, before turning back to Connie. “I am certain to within three standard deviations that you’re speaking the truth, my dear. However, I’ll still need you to complete it again so that I can grade it. Here, I’ll furnish you with a new copy.”

Tapping a few buttons on the arm she had extended out, her limb enhancer made the sounds of a printer as several sheets of paper slid out in succession from a small slot in her forearm. Peridot then tapped the papers together, squaring them up, and handed them over.

Connie took the papers with a resigned sigh. “I’ll get it done tonight, ma’am. Would it be alright if I went outside first? I wanted to read in my spot a little before it got too dark,” she asked, looking at Peridot with pleading eyes.

Peridot smiled and nodded. “Of course. I have complete confidence in your academic rigor. Besides, I need to reassemble this dwelling and help these clods find the centipeetle matriarch.” 

Lapis made a noise of annoyance that was muffled by the donuts shoved her in mouth, her cheeks like that of a blue chipmunk.

Connie nodded, heading up the stairs to her loft. She picked out a few books, paper, a pencil case, and packed them all neatly into her green backpack. So prepped she then took the stairs down two at a time.

Peridot intercepted her at the base of the stairs, knelt down to eye level, and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I realize it’s hard to sit back and not assist directly, but know that you will be ready one day. I have faith in that, as does everyone else. Your mother did, especially,” she said with a sigh and a slight smile. 

She gripped Connie’s shoulder a little tighter and added in a motherly tone, “It’ll just take time. Until then let me, Lapis, and Jasper handle saving the world… okay?”

Connie frowned briefly, then nodded, face determined. “I guess…” She then split into a smile and hugged Peridot around the neck. “But I’ll be ready sooner than you think. I just know it!”

Peridot returned the hug, squeezing Connie close. “Yeah… you will…” she replied, smiling a second before letting Connie go and watching her head out the door.

The Green gem stared after the departing girl for a little while, before standing and turning to face the other gems. 

Peridot opened her mouth to speak but her words were muffled when Lapis Lazuli pushed a bag of gummy candies into her face. Peridot startled in surprise before narrowing her eyes at the Blue gem.

Lapis giggled. “Boop. Candy in your face,” she singsonged. Jasper made a visible effort not to laugh. Once more Lapis prodded Peridot with the bag. “Boop, boop, boop. Candygram!”

Peridot flailed her arms, teeth gnashing in frustration. “Gnyaaaah! Lazuli! We don’t have time for this!”

Lapis, smile wide, flew back a few feet and gave a deep laugh, holding the bag of candy out invitingly in one hand.

Peridot glared for a moment longer then shook her head, her grimace shifting into a smile by steady degrees. She walked over and snatched the bag of sour treats away from Lapis. “As you’ve decided to weaponize these candies, I will be… confiscating them in reprimand.” 

Lapis gave an exaggerated pout which caused a guffaw to erupt out of Jasper. Peridot rolled her eyes, but smiled, opening the bag and snacking contentedly.


	2. Of Prose, Property Damage, and Perspectives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this chapter before April 15th, 2017 then you'll probably notice it now reads quite differently. By the start of Episode 3 our team found a style that we were pretty happy with, and now our editor and co-writer, BR42, is going back and revising these old chapters to match.

Connie walked over to her spot near a secluded stretch of the cliff. She paced the area a time or two --judging the ambient levels of shade, the consistency of the sand, the presence of any wind-blown spray-- before settling into a patch that seemed to meet her standards.

She unpacked her backpack preparing to work on her homework, _again_ , but she slowed, stopped,... then grimaced. Her eyes drifted instead to the large, leather-bound book she’d also made sure to pack.

She pulled the heavy tome out and ran a finger over the cracked but still beautiful oval pearl inlaid in the cover.

 _I doubt Peridot would approve_ , cautioned a corner of Connie’s mind.

 _However, she did give it to me for study purposes in the first place. It’d be rude not to use such a thoughtful birthday gift,_ came the response from another corner.

 _Objection: Sophistry,_ cried out the first corner. _It was intended to teach me about Gem history and related subjects. That it has somehow come to tell stories instead means-_

 _It means I’m not some… rule-driven robot!,_ came the impassioned retort. _I’ll get the homework done, like I always do. Besides, the story has gotten so good!_

 _...it really has,_ was the almost sheepish response. _Oh, alright!_

Inner turmoil resolved, Connie smiled with childish glee as she settled down and opened the book across her lap. 

She’d discovered that opening to any page in the middle of the book brought her to her current place in the story, with subsequent page flips forward or backward behaving like normal. It would also respond to verbal commands, if less reliably, making it one of the very few books Connie owned that didn’t have dog-eared pages or sticky notes designating passages of note.

Another handy feature was that the book seemed to provide a summary at the start of a reading session. _Whoever designed this thing was really thoughtful,_ observed Connie, not for the first time.

Clearing her throat, Connie began to read aloud. “ _The hero was nearing the end of her arduous journey; she could feel it! Standing at the door of what could possibly be the final room of the Evil One’s keep, her friends and allies were standing firm at her back, ready to hold the line so she could triumph once and for all. With sword in hand, the hero strode through the grand, black and gold doors into the massive chamber._ ” 

Connie’s excitement was beginning to show: she was sitting more upright than before and her narration was growing both louder and more passionate. “ _The chamber hadn’t changed since she had last been in the presence of the Evil One. The walls were still lined with stolen gold and tapestries depicting false acts of greatness, monuments to the Evil One’s silver tongue, were ubiquitous. Those would be the first to burn after the Evil One’s defeat._ ”

Connie continued, the hero’s all-consuming righteous fury echoed in her voice. Passage after passage recounted the long-overdue payback for every injury the hero endured on her lengthy and winding path; described the reward for the hero’s patience and forethought; told of the sacrifice of her teammates in the face of pain, fear, and adversity.

The final scene was laid out, wherein Good would triumph or Evil would reign unchecked.

Connie stood, book in one hand, her other held low and clenched as though she were carrying the hero’s legendary blade. “ _But she knew better than to let her guard down! This looked far too easy; the hero was certain that this couldn’t be it. Then,_ ” and Connie couldn’t help but jump back, “ _the villain lashed out! The hero leapt backward, rolling over her shoulder as the Evil One’s blow shook the tile floor, a mortal blow narrowly avoided._ ”

“ _‘Even with all your power, you fight from the shadows?! You still haven’t changed, you coward!’ taunted the hero before laughing in the face of her enemy. Poised, with nerves of steel, the hero stood her ground, prepared to attack._ ”

Connie began to follow suit with the tale, advancing across the sand, jabbing her imaginary sword into the air. “ _She moved forward once more, blade ready for another attack. ‘Come out and fight! Let us settle this once and for all,’ boomed the hero’s voice, muscles coiled like steel springs, hand gripping tightly the handle of her trusty sword._ ”

Unbeknownst to Connie, the yellow gem seated near the top of her sternum began glowing; dull at first but brighter and brighter as the girl grew bolder and more excited; the imagined weight of the blade becoming more and more real.

“ _Suddenly, with a rush of wind, the torches and lanterns dimmed, casting the room into shadow. The Evil One now held the advantage: the dark was their brother, sister, father, and mother all in one. It had been their most constant ally, their most dangerous weapon. Now, it acted as the villain’s shield, protecting them from righteous recompense while they skulked in the gloom, hunting for the right moment to attack._ ”

The glow and weight growing, Connie continued. “ _But today, even darkness itself flinched in the presence of the hero. In a flash, her blade cleaved the shadows asunder and flew true towards the tyrant!_ ” 

Connie spun, heels digging into the sand as she mimicked the hero’s strike. Suddenly her eyes went wide: the tale had become real! She was gripping a long, yellow sword, a palpable sense of energy charging the air as it followed the arc of her swing…

...until she startled, the weapon flying from her grasp and hurtling forward.

A clap of thunder filled the air as the sword continued its unintentional trajectory. Connie’s expression of awe was quickly replaced with panic as she realized this miraculous missile was flying straight towards the temple; the place the Gems called home.

With a mighty ‘boom!’, one of the few intact hands of the temple statue were struck, the blade buried into the stone. Connie covered her mouth in horror, staring and frozen in place.

Just as Connie was about to take her first uncertain step forward, the hand broke free of the statue and fell to the beach, the release and the landing both deafeningly loud. A plume of dust and sand was thrown high in the air by the impact, and Connie could only stand and watch as it settled, mouth agape.

The door to the Beach House was kicked open, causing Connie to jump. The Gems came charging out. Jasper barrelled through, with Lapis and Peridot right behind and immediately taking to the sky.

Peridot had a look of panic on her face as she shot straight up, away from the porch and surveying the scene. The fingers of her free hand coalesced into a megaphone. “Connie! Where are you?! Are you imperiled?!” she shouted even louder than usual as she looked around frantically.

Still dumbstruck, Connie was unable to reply. Lapis, who had been flying in a growing spiral overhead, spotted the girl and flagged down the others with visible excitement. “I found her! She’s alright, everyone!”

Lapis’ wings retracted and she landed gracefully beside Connie, giving the girl a fond pat on the head. “You had us worried,” she said, relieved. Then she noticed the damage to the statue and her look soured.

“Oh, so that’s what that was,” she muttered as panic filled Connie’s eyes.

“I-I didn’t- It just…” began Connie, bereft of confidence and stammering. She blinked back tears as Jasper and Peridot sped over.

“Hey, deep breaths, Connie. Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out. Was it that mega-peedle we’ve been wondering about? You wouldn’t think it could hide if it was big enough to do that,” said Lapis as she combed her fingers through Connie’s hair. Connie seemed to calm slightly.

“You okay, squirt?” asked Jasper, who had surged ahead of Peridot courtesy of her spin dash. When Connie gave an instinctive nod, Jasper looked over at the rubble. “That old thing’s falling apart,” she said, earning a look of profound insult from Lapis.

Peridot landed with the heavy ‘clomp’ of her metal limbs striking sand. She nearly pulled Connie off her feet when she hugged her close. A moment later she released the girl and was preparing to begin a scan when Lapis mouthed ‘no’, the Blue gem shaking her head. Peridot froze, then nodded calmly as her tools folded back into her limb enhancers.

Connie shook her head. “No… no, Jasper, you don’t understand. I did that!”

Lapis looked at the girl in shock. Peridot squinted behind her visor at the rubble then, slowly, her eyes grew round as saucers. Jasper cocked an eyebrow, a tiny smile hinting at the corner of her mouth.

Connie’s energy returned as her dismayed expression began to shift into something like exhilaration. She pumped her fists into the air and began to jump and twirl, laughing in excitement. “I did it! Lapis, Jasper, Peridot, I did it!” 

Peridot had raised one hand to her visor, a frenzy of symbols and data flitting across the display, before letting the hand fall slowly to her side. “Stars… she did it. The readings are unmistakable,” mumbled a stunned Peridot.

Jasper’s smile grew incrementally.

Lapis, seemingly the last to catch on, threw her hands out surprise. “You summoned your weapon?!” Connie nodded so forcefully she nearly unseated her glasses.

Lapis met Connie’s huge grin with one to match and exclaimed, “That’s wonderful! We’ll talk about your choice for target practice later, but for now,” and she swept Connie off her feet, twirling her around, “it’s time for a SKY HUG!” With that, she launched the pair of them skyward, the sound of excited laughter receding in their wake.

Jasper clapped a large hand on Peridot’s shoulder, jostling the Green gem, who slowly turned to look up at her. The warrior’s calm smile was met with a quiet voice. “I guess she was right,” whispered Peridot, still gobsmacked, “it was a lot sooner than I thought.”

The sound of overhead giggles drew Peridot out of her daze. Her hands shot to her head, yellow foam-like hair depressed deeply by the grip of the floating fingers. “Lapis!” she cried, “You return here with Connie immediately! She could get hurt!” 

She then took off running, arms outstretched as though readying to catch someone plummeting.

Jasper shook her head watching the others’ antics. “I never doubted, but it’s still beautiful to behold,” she said with no one listening. “Whatever your plan, I’ll see to it she’s ready. I promise.”

* * *

It took some time but Peridot finally managed to coax Lapis and Connie down from their emotional and literal high. A mercifully-short lecture about human frailty later, Peridot turned from Lapis to Connie and pulled the surprised girl into a warm hug.

“I’m pleased with your accomplishment and very happy for you,” she said sincerely, if a bit stiffly.

Peridot stepped back and assumed a familiar, authoritative pose. “But don’t think that just because you can summon your weapon now, you’re ready to start saving the day quite yet. Protecting the planet is our responsibility. Physical and emotional maturation is yours.”

Connie rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “I’m aware, ma’am. But this means it’ll happen! It means I can do what you guys do! Before, I was worried that no matter how many lessons and lectures and drills and training sessions, I’d never really be a gem. But this? This is the start of my story!” exclaimed Connie, bouncing with glee…

...before stumbling when she received a surprise hair ruffling by a large, orange hand. “You’ve always been you, squirt, you can just do a new trick now. Learn it, master it, you’ll still be Connie.”

Connie looked up at Jasper with a thoughtful expression. “I think I understand, Jasper. I mean, mom was more than just someone with a sword.” Jasper nodded.

“But still, I have my weapon now!” cried Connie, bringing her arm out with a flourish and grasping… the air.

Connie looked surprised, then went through the same motions again, more insistently. She was still empty-handed.

“Ha!”  
“Engage!”  
“Sword of Light, I summon thee!”  
“Weapon now!”  
“Um, by the Power of Grayskull?” she tried, clearly flummoxed.

Lapis and Peridot exchange a look, then approached the girl. Lapis gave Connie’s arm a squeeze, then shot her a sympathetic smile. Peridot knelt in front of Connie and spoke, “This is an unfortunate but not wholly unexpected outcome. It’s probable that you don’t yet know the prerequisite for summoning your weapon and so this initial conjuring was accidental.”

Connie’s shoulders drooped, the girl crestfallen, causing Peridot to frown in confusion. Lapis cleared her throat, drawing Peridot’s attention. The Blue gem motioned to Connie with her eyes, then shot Peridot an expectant look.

Flustered, Peridot attempted to salvage the situation. “B-but there is no need for worry. Now that you’ve accomplished it once, we’ll simply examine the initial conditions under which you succeeded and use them to reverse engineer the necessary steps. P-Plus, studies have shown that humans don’t perform well in stressful environments, so we should give it some time and practice before expecting superior results.”

Peridot gave a smile that failed to reach her eyes. Connie tried and failed to smile. Looking a touch bemused, Peridot added, “Cheer up… buckeroo?”

Out of sight of Connie, Lapis facepalmed.

“Peridot,” said Jasper, causing the Green gem to look up questioningly. “Stop talking.”

For a time, no one moved. As though the seesaw of her emotions needed time to level out, Connie slowly straightened up and gave everyone a small but genuine smile. “You’re right. You all are. I shouldn’t expect to master this on the first try. That’d just be unrealistic. Heck, it doesn’t even go that way in stories,” she said, before pausing and adding, “Well, in decently-written ones, anyway.”

Gaining momentum once again, Connie addressed the group. “So let’s figure this out! I’ve summoned my sword once, you all can summon your weapons, maybe hearing from you all will help me rediscover what works for me.”

Jasper gave a nod of approval. Peridot looked suddenly uncomfortable but didn’t object. Lapis took a power stance --feet spread, back straight, fists on her hips-- and called out, “Onwards to discovery!”

Then, like a horse breaking into a gallop, Lapis grabbed Connie’s hand and pulled the pair of them down the beach, shouting, “Dibs!” over her shoulder to Peridot and Jasper.

Peridot, still looking like someone had taken the wind out of her sails, yelled “No running with Connie,” but it was clear her heart wasn’t really in it.

* * *

Lapis led Connie farther out on the beach, kneeling down where the water gently washed up on the shore.

“You see, Connie, summoning a gem weapon is… it’s like-” and Lapis paused to ponder.

Connie waited attentively and thought, _I wish I’d grabbed my backpack; this is definitely the sort of topic a hero-in-training should take notes on_.

Lapis seemed to find the idea she was searching for because she shot Connie a wink then began digging a modest-sized hole in the sand. With a gesture, she made a blob of water rise from the ocean, then sculpted it into an inverted teardrop shape that hovered over her outstretched palm.

“First, you plant the seed of the thought within yourself,” said Lapis as Connie watched intently. The ‘seed’ was lowered into the thirsty sand, vanishing, and the hole was filled in by Lapis.

“With your energy, you nurture the seed ‘til it sprouts, and forms around you.” As Lapis spoke, a sapling of water, scaled up to be about as big around as Connie’s wrist, peeked out from the mound. Lapis gestured further, water being pulled from the soggy layers below, causing the faux-plant to grow and sprout first one, then two, than many transparent, blue-tinted leaves.

If Connie had seen Lapis play with her powers a thousand times before, it didn’t show on her face for this occasion; the girl was starry-eyed watching the display.

The water construct grew thicker and taller, becoming a tree of massive size and unnatural composition. Lapis, wings out, fluttered up off the sand, ascending slowly along with her creation. “Have it grow with your feelings and the energy you take in from the world, until it rests in your hands, ready to help its creator.”

Lapis had one hand upraised and cupped, as though holding the tree in miniature. She then swiveled around and brushed some of Connie’s hair behind her ear with the other, smiling. “Understand?”

Connie blinked a few times, as though trying to focus on something blurry. She gave a sheepish smile in reply, “No…?”

Lapis let out a sigh, looked at her majestic creation, then turned back to Connie with a glimmer of playfulness in her eye. She mimed counting down then placing her palm over her mouth in a manner Connie was very familiar with. Connie nodded enthusiastically.

“3… 2… 1… pbbbbbbt!” the two said in unison, each blowing a sustained raspberry as Lapis gave a little shove with her cupped hand, causing the ‘tree’ to topple over and make a colossal splash in the surf.

The two laughed and made cries of ‘Timber!’ for a moment longer before settling down once more.

“Hmmm, okay then… how about this…” said Lapis as she led Connie a few paces away, then turned so the pair were facing the temple statue. Lapis placed a hand on Connie’s gem. “Do you remember how you were feeling when you summoned your weapon? What was going on in that noodle of yours, deep down?” asked Lapis with a patient smile.

Connie considered the question carefully. “Well, I guess I was really surprised, then sad that I’d damaged the temple, then… super excited?”

Lapis nodded. “Yeah, let’s not pick on the temple’s statue anymore; the old gal has had a rough couple of millennia and we don’t exactly have a spare. But what I meant was, what’d you feel before all that ‘oh no I’m holding a sword!’ business caught up to you? What emotions did you have before you even saw it?”

“Oh,” answered Connie, “well, I was reading a story; one with a brave and confident hero.” Lapis bobbed her head encouragingly. “The hero was fighting an evil villain, and the battle was at its climax.” Connie smiled at the recollection, her face starting to flush at the mere remembrance of it.

“I-I was so excited and focused… I felt like I was there. Not just with the hero; I was the hero and I had a final battle to win!” exclaimed Connie, the girl effervescent.

“Yes! There ya go!” replied Lapis, attempting to match her enthusiasm. “Use that feeling like you did before. You’re the brave hero and I’m,” and, with a flourish, she formed a massive, wicked-looking sword out of water, “the evil villain!” 

Stooping her head and covering one eye with a wing, Lapis grinned wickedly as she played the part of a dastardly malefactor. “Muahaha- No? Is it the eye patch?” 

Connie nodded giggling, then added, “The sword is a bit much too, don’t you think?”

Lapis, eye patch-free, shrugged, “Go big or go play in the kiddie pool, I say. Now, where was I? Oh yes,” and switching back to a gravelly tone said, “Well, hero, it is time for our final duel! Draw your sword and face your destiny! Muahahahahahaha!”

A ways off and from behind a collapsed portion of the temple statue came a strained squeak. Though Peridot didn’t interfere, she didn’t seem enthused to see Lapis brandishing a weapon at Connie, let alone one twice the size of the girl.

Chuckling to herself, Connie tried to join in Lapis’ method acting. Adopting a heroic stance, she pointed to Lapis. “Your reign of terror ends here, Evil One. Face my steel!” Looking pumped up and enthused, Connie held up her closed hand as if she were wielding a sword. With a ferocious cry, she swung her arm downwards, perhaps expecting a blade to appear mid-swing.

Instead, Connie felt the merest hint of one of her knuckles grazing Lapis’ cheek. 

The Blue gem giggled in response. The girl frowned, righting herself but looking disappointed… right until a splash of cold water caught her full in the face, startling her.

Parting damp hair from her face and wiping her eyes, Connie attempted to glare at Lapis. Lapis booped her on the nose and blew a raspberry. Her incipient funk shattered, Connie and Lapis fell to laughing with and at one another, miming the other’s heroic/villainous routine before descending into another round of chuckling.

Once the pair had calmed down a bit, Lapis patted Connie’s still-damp hair and said, “You’ll get it eventually. And if all else fails, you’ve got a promising career in Kansas to look forward to.”

Connie waved away the Gem’s hand and did what she could to straighten her hair, smiling all the while. “Thanks, Lapis. I’ll try to remember that, and everything else you showed me.” She then stopped, holding a hand up to shade her eyes so she could investigate the flash of movement she’d seen just prior. There was a distant ‘eep’ from behind a pile of rubble.

Lapis grinned. “Looks like someone is anxious for their turn,” she said then motioned for Connie to run along. “Go and see what Peridoto Roboto thinks. Who knows, maybe she’ll be able to get something to click for you.” She then projected her voice, saying, “There’s a first time for everything.”

Peridot, foregoing any pretense of hiding, had stepped out from behind her shelter and seemed momentarily stricken at Lapis’ remark. Seeing Connie jogging over she assumed a neutral expression, greeted her pupil, and led the two of them toward the Beach House.

* * *

Peridot stood in the living room, a large chalkboard behind her, one of her fingers serving as a pointer. She patted her non-existent palm, looking as Connie readied herself to take notes. Technical drawings of a gem, a gem weapon, various formulas, and precisely-drawn schematics populated the board’s surface.

“Connie, I’ll assume Lapis gave you the whole ‘emotion-seed-tree’ thing, right?” she asked. Connie nodded prompting Peridot to sigh and shake her head.

“While it is true emotion does play a role, the majority of it is more technical than that,” said the gem in full-blown teacher mode.

Peridot pointed to a collection of diagrams on the board, cleared her throat, and began her lecture in earnest. “A gem’s weapon is a highly complex construct of hard light. It’s form is comprised of the excess energy from their gem being refined into an offensive or defensive tool. Like Lapis’ hydrokinesis or Jasper’s spin dash, it is merely a controlled and refined application of this force that is fundamental to gemkind.”

Peridot paused a moment to allow Connie to finish her note-taking. “Abilities such as the aforementioned come more naturally to gems designed to have them, and they are near-impossible for other gems to acquire. Summoning a weapon is… almost… universal.”

After a moment spent looking at one of her limb enhances, Peridot returned from her thoughts and resumed speaking. “Of course, that’s just the abbreviated version. I can and shall go on in more depth about the mechanics and sciences behind it all,” she said with a pleased grin on her face.

“Wow, that sounds pretty cool!” thrilled Connie, clearly at home in the classroom and eager to master the subject. She then raised her hand and, once Peridot nodded to her, asked, “Is that how all weapons work, ma’am, or are you talking about yours in particular?”

Peridot looked a little flustered and turned to point at diagrams seemingly at random. “Uh, y-yeah, I sh-I mean, that is how it works. Correct. Of course,” she added quickly, “my limb enhancers are far superior to a mere hard light construct, so I never really have need of my weapon.”

Gathering steam, Peridot continued, “After all, a weapon such as Jasper’s crash helmet has a very limited range of applications whereas my limb enhancers have multitudes, both on and off the battlefield. Vers-a-tility!” she exclaimed, tapping the board with each word fragment. “Yes, be sure to write that down. Very good.”

A moment later, Peridot turned her back to Connie and pointed to a particularly tangled-looking equation. “That’s enough of that particular digression. Now, if you look here you’ll see the fundamental distinctions between hard light, soft light, and so-called conventional light. Understanding these building blocks is fundamental...” and with that, the instructor and the instructed covered a wide range of topics.

* * *

Jasper and Connie stood at the base of the lighthouse, situated on the cliff overlooking both the temple and the ocean beyond. A steady breeze was blowing and was responsible for the only movement coming from the large Quartz warrior.

Connie seemed unwilling to break the silence first and Jasper was her usual reticent self. It wasn’t until there was a nasally cry from far below that Jasper stirred. “She finally noticed,” she said with a hint of a smile.

Well after Connie had gone numb from the lecture, Jasper had, somehow, walked in almost soundlessly, lifted Connie up, desk and all, and just as quietly padded out. A brisk hike later and they’d reached their current vantage point.

Connie seemed torn between a frown and an impish grin at having skipped out on Peridot’s course. She settled for a stretch and said, “Yeah, I was able to understand it pretty well for a while, but then I ran out of notepaper and the concepts just grew more and more complicated. It got to be too much.”

She blew some breath out in exasperation. “Knowing how my weapon forms and where it comes from is great and all, but I still don’t feel any closer to resummoning it.”

Jasper looked down and flexed her large hands a couple of times, thinking. Then she looked Connie in the eye and said, “Your weapon is more than a thing you make. It’s an extension of you. Your fists punch, your legs run, your weapon exists, all because you will it.”

She pointed towards the Beach House, where Peridot could be seen through the windows stomping about. “Energy gives the weapon form.”

She pointed towards the ocean, where Lapis was gathering huge masses of water and hurling them out to sea, seemingly just for the fun of it. “Emotion draws the weapon forth.”

There was a flash of light and the crash helmet manifested on the large gem’s head. “Will gives it purpose. Weak will, weak weapon. Strong will,” and Jasper stooped to pick up a large rock off the ground, then shattered it into gravel. Her helmet remained pristine.

Connie nodded but frowned. “I’ve willed myself cross-eyed trying to summon this thing. Am I too-too weak to summon it again?”

Jasper knelt in front of Connie, the helmet dissolving with a flicker, and took her hand, palm up. Softly, Jasper used a single, large finger to brush the many calluses Connie had developed from years of diligent training and regular fitness. Connie smiled at the taciturn gem, taking her meaning.

“You summoned it once. You’re still Connie. You’ll summon it again. After all,” she said, revealing a rare, full smile, “you’re a Quartz. We’re made for it.”

Jasper stood and patted Connie’s shoulder, causing the girl to jostle. They shared a drawn out moment of silence, save for the distant splashing of Lapis’ projectiles and the steady susurrus of the ocean breeze.

Jasper gave a grunt and looked down at Connie. “You have your… homework,” said Jasper, the gem looking mildly offended at the word’s presence on her lips. “The rest of us need to track down that Centipeedle Matriarch. Let’s go.”

With that, Jasper scooped up Connie in one mighty arm, carrying her like a bag of particularly fragile groceries. In a single bound, the Orange gem sprang over the cliff, holding Connie tight as they fell towards the earth below, Connie screaming in excitement. 

Midway down Jasper landed on a very steep downward slope and dug her heels with superhuman strength into the stone, managing their speed and gouging chunks loose from the rockface.

With a final leap and a landing that flexed knees and hips, Jasper absorbed enough of the shock to prevent Connie from suffering whiplash. She was, however, buried up to her torso in sand and debris, Connie held gingerly a mere foot or two above ground level.

Peridot, still searching for her wayward pupil, had walked out onto the porch around the time Connie had begun her shrieking descent. By the time they’d landed, Peridot was already helicoptering over, calling out in fear for Connie’s health for the nth time today.

“Hi Peridot!” called the girl as she slid off Jasper’s arm and onto the sand and soil once more.

“Oh my stars! Connie, form up for a field examination right this instant!” demanded the Green gem.

Connie sighed but her smile remained firmly in place. “Yes, ma’am. Arms out, palms open.”

While that was underway, Jasper heaved herself out of the impact crater, dirt and rocks raining off her seemingly-unscathed form. She busied herself by brushing the dust off her attire and kicking debris back into the hole.

Once Peridot’s limbs delivered a loud ‘ding’ to denote an absence of serious medical concerns, she wheeled on Jasper. “You oaf! You callous clod! Not only did you needlessly endanger Connie with your showboating, you obstructed my instructions on weapon function and construction with your reckless ruction!”

Jasper raised an eyebrow and tilted her head slightly. “What?”

Peridot gave an incoherent growl of frustration.


	3. Home Renovations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Note: If you read this chapter before July 14th, 2017 then you'll probably notice it now reads quite differently. By the start of Episode 3 our team found a style that we were pretty happy with, and now our editor and co-writer, BR42, is going back and revising these old chapters to match.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Original Note: And finally chapter three is released, and episode one is complete. Thank you everyone for being so patient with us, we all in the Connie swap team apologize for the long period between this and the last update. School and life hit everyone in the team a little harder then we were prepared for. However, we're hoping to get back into the groove of things and bring you guys more content sooner rather then later. 
> 
> Once again, I'd like to think Blue and Bad John for editing when they could, you guys were a great help. And of course, big thanks to my main partner Cocoasmiles for all she does to help and the major contributions she brings to every idea concerning the story.
> 
> Come check out the Connieswap Tumblr so you can ask the characters or us questions, receive updates concerning the story, or catch some of the art Cocoa or myself post there on occasion.
> 
> Coming next on Connieswap, "...Yet so far"

Peridot lectured Jasper during the whole of the walk back up to the Beach House. The large gem seemed unphased by the diatribe.

Around the time Peridot’s tirade was losing steam, Lapis entered once more through the, as she called it, ‘impromptu skylight’ and alighted on a kitchen stool. “Hi everybo-dy~” exclaimed Lapis with a curious accent, before adding in a different voice, “Hi, Dr. Nick!”

Peridot, who was scanning the damaged portions of the house, paused to roll her eyes. Connie and Jasper shared a look of confusion then shrugged.

“Philistines, the lot of you. That show’s been around _nearly_ as long as I have. Anyway, what’s the plan?” she asked from her stool, grabbing a donut from the nearby assortment of them and munching contentedly.

Peridot looked up from her hologram of the Beach House’s blueprints. “We’ll need to make repairs to the Beach House while also keeping an eye out for the Centipeetle Matriarch.”

“I’ll patrol the perimeter,” stated Jasper as she was already striding towards the front door that could barely accommodate her.

“Lapis, warp over to one of the supply stockpiles,” Peridot said after nodding in passing to the departing Quartz.

She tapped a few more buttons on her limb enhancer and a sheet of paper was extruded to the accompanying whine of a printer. “Here’s a list of the resources needed to restore the Beach House. I’ll fetch some ersatz robonoids from the temple and we’ll begin effecting repairs.”

Lapis licked her fingers clean, took the sheet of paper, gave a muffled “yeff mafter” while rolling her eyes, then skipped to the warp pad and disappeared in a column of light.

“How can I help, ma’am?” asked Connie, radiating keenness.

Peridot rounded on her pupil, then sent a trio of fingers floating over to retrieve Connie’s backpack from where it had been set down by the door. “You can go up to your loft and resume your coursework. That area should be clear of any debris and out of the way of the robonoid repair squad.”

Connie wilted slightly but did as she was told, taking her bag, and heading upstairs. _It was either homework or home work,_ she inwardly sighed. Peridot disappeared into the temple.

The warp pad chimed. “Hi Connie!” said Lapis, arms loaded with cut timber. She tossed the wood unceremoniously onto the floor by the warp pad. 

“Bye Connie!” she said and vanished once again.

A few minutes later, Peridot returned with ten little, roughly spherical robots rolling along behind. No two looked exactly alike, but each was about the size of a bowling ball (and, in one case, the chassis appeared to be exactly that), and clearly made from a mish-mash of repurposed parts.

When the little bots encountered something they couldn’t roll over, four stubby legs would emerge and they would climb over or up whatever was in their way with surprising agility. Most were set to the task of cutting the boards to the desired lengths. Others scrabbled up onto the roof and began cutting away the damaged parts of the ceiling timbers.

With a shower of sparks, one released a cough of smoke, wobbled, and then rolled off the roof, landing with a muted crunch outside. Peridot muttered under her breath about ‘inferior components’ and ‘crumby Earth-tech.’

With a sour look on her face, Peridot toggled functions and began using her limb enhancers’ tractor beam to envelope the cut boards in green light, lifting them up to the remaining, functional robonoids on the roof.

* * *

Connie had completed most of her homework. _Again._ She stopped and chewed on the end of her pencil, eyes tracking across the room.

Lapis was egging Peridot on by arguing that wood was an inferior building material. The robonoids were diligently, if clumsily, restoring the damaged house and applying fresh paint to the repaired surfaces. Jasper was still gone on patrol.

Connie’s eyes fell on her open backpack and, within it, the large, jeweled storybook. She furrowed her brows in thought. _What if… Could THAT have been the reason for me summoning my sword in the first place? I mean, there are plenty of heroes in fiction who drew power from objects._

Sparing one more glance at the gems (“When you have the necessary skills to construct human dwellings, you can make your shelters out of whatever material you like.”), Connie discreetly withdrew the book and opened it across her lap, body angled to minimize its visibility to the others.

She began to read, quietly but with a look of fierce determination, a hand outstretched as if attempting to grasp something that wasn’t there. Several action-packed paragraphs later, Connie glanced down at her gemstone, then seemed disappointed when she saw only the usual, non-magical sparkle.

Trying once more, Connie flipped to the grand confrontation, wherein the hero confronted the Evil One with destined finality. The hero swung her blade at the fiend, shattering their wards, sundering their protections, striking them down.

With a jump Connie heard the pencil she’d been holding fly across the loft and clatter into the contents of a shelf. She spared a quick, guilty look over her shoulder and saw that Peridot had glanced up from the newly replaced window she was inspecting.

“Connie, is something amiss?” called the gem as the two bots sweeping up debris scurried quickly out of her path.

Connie shot another quick look at her gem and found it unchanged. 

_Stupid! I had three different lectures about summoning my sword and I blow my cover acting like I’m in one of those silly magic girl animes Lapis reads about,_ Connie thought in harsh tones.

Clearing her throat, Connie answered back while trying to surreptitiously bury her book under her bedding, “N-No, ma’am. I’m just a little cold from a draft is all.”

Peridot reached the top of the stairs. “That seems improbable. It’s still September and the weather has been, if anything, a little balmy. Here, let me check to make sure there isn’t some wall or window damage I… is that the gem chronicle I gifted you on the previous anniversary of your emergence?”

Connie chuckled, rubbing the back of her head. “Haha, uh… y-yeah. I mean, I got a little bored with the current material so I thought I would read ahead in history instead… I mean that’s okay because it’s related to schoolwork,” she said, mustering a small smile at the end.

Peridot grabbed the book and opened it up in front of her. Connie paled slightly. “Ah, the 2nd battle of the Lunar Sea Spire. A classic. While I am happy you are studying your history, Connie, you really need to focus on the assignment at hand.”

As Peridot shelved the book and returned to her previous work, Connie quirked an eyebrow and stared in disbelief at the closed tome. _That thing hasn’t shown me history in, well, a while. How did that happen?_

Her train of thought, as well as a portion of wall, was shattered when Jasper burst in, literally. Unfolding from her spin dash form, the warrior was visibly scuffed and her helmet was summoned.

“Whoa!? Easy there, Kool-Aid Man. What’re yo- Hey!” cried Lapis as Jasper lunged over and scooped up the gem.

“Squirt! Down here. Now!” barked the warrior as she sprinted through the construction site and grabbed a wriggling, peeved Peridot.

Connie obeyed as quickly as she could get her legs under her. She sprinted down to the midpoint of the stairs then leapt forward and landed with a roll, springing up beside the large gem.

Jasper shifted the struggling forms of Lapis and Peridot to one arm, scooped Connie up in the other, and then barreled straight for the newly repaired window.

“No! Just open it!” cried Peridot, unheeded as Jasper dove through, holding Connie in a particularly sheltered press.

A beat later and the Beach House shuddered as something massive erupted up through the floor and then tore through the ruined window, chasing after the retreating, orange figure.

* * *

Amidst a rain of smashed timber, broken glass, and ruined plumbing, Jasper landed with a heavy thud. Without pausing she sprinted down the beach, hurled the trio in her arms onto a sand dune some ways away, then pivoted into a combat stance. 

A split second later enormous mandibles snapped at the warrior, attempting to cut her in half. Massive hands caught the mandibles and arrested their lethal pinch, the Perfect Quartz pitting her strength against a multi-story monstrosity.

"Attacking the biggest threat first. You're smarter than you look," said Jasper, her expression caught between concentration and amusement.

Though they were matched in strength, the Centipeetle was considerably heavier and so Jasper was pushed back, her feet forming deep gouges in the sand. Shifting her grip, Jasper dropped to one knee, wrenching the Centipeetle's head sideways and then smashing it into the beach.

The beast stunned, Jasper followed up with a series of punches that made the ground shake. The creature's carapace proving too tough for fists, Jasper reached around, seized one of its many pointed legs, and wrenched it clear. The Matriarch roared in pain and anger.

The monster shook its massive head at Jasper, prompting the warrior to leap aside and then plunge the pointed weapon through a body segment. It was a telling blow but apparently not enough to poof.

The Centipeetle sent a ripple of motion through its length, body-checking the Quartz with its superior bulk. Jasper sensed the attack and blocked, but the blow sent the significantly smaller warrior flying through the air.

All of this had taken place in a matter of seconds, so it was that Jasper slammed into the base of the sand dune Peridot, Lapis, and Connie had just disentangled themselves from.

"Jasper!" cried Connie. "Are you alright?"

Meanwhile, Peridot was already gaining altitude with her helicopter fingers as her other limb enhancer transformed into its offensive form. The Centipeetle halted its approach when an arc of lightning raked its side, followed by a volley of plasma shots.

"Connie, Jasper will be fine. Get to cover while we handle this!" ordered Peridot while she dodged and weaved between snapping mandibles and thrashing tail. Her approximation of a warcry, "GNYAAA!", rang out as she swooped and fought.

Her precision barrage continued, every shot finding its mark, but none seemed capable of more than distracting the beast. "The next time you come into our house, it'll be in a bubble!"

When an acid dripping maw came close to clipping one of her gravity connectors, Peridot yelled out, "Hey, watch it you multi-legged clod!" then retreated to a safer altitude.

A blue hand gripped Connie's shoulder, jolting the girl out of splitting her attention between Jasper and the spectacle of Peridot's flying distraction. "Come on, girlie. You and me can cheer from the sidelines for now."

"But- Why aren't you helping?" asked the pre-teen as the sounds of combat rang out behind them.

"My help is measured in kilotons and has a splash zone; not something the others would appreciate when they're up close. We'll just let Jasper and Peridot have their fun for now. Come on, I could use your help coming up with some mid-battle catchphrases. What's something gross-sounding that means armor-covered?"

Connie allowed herself to be distracted by the non sequitur. "Um, squamous?"

Lapis' eyes lit up. "Ooh nice one, _Lexiconnie_. I'll save that one for later."

Jasper had regained her footing and her bearings. The large gem pulled into a spindash but stayed in place, spinning up faster and faster, the usual whine rising to something intense and shrill. Loosed like a cannonball, the Quartz smashed into the side of the gem beast: this time Jasper was the one to send it hurtling.

With precision teamwork, Peridot delivered a charged up plasma blast, driving the Centipeetle's head down hard into the ground. Jasper delivered a heavy, two-fisted, overhead strike that further buried the beast into the sand. A rain of lesser plasma bolts heated the sand into glass, kicking up smoke and dust, entombing the creature from mandible to neck.

Jasper stood on the edge of the smoking crater. "Keep an eye out, Peridot. It still has some fight left."

"Aw, but I wanted to drop my guard. Maybe turn my back on the monstrosity, brush the dust off my limb enhancers and say something trite like, ' _Well, that was easy,'"_ came the considerable sass from overhead.

Off from the sidelines, Lapis guffawed.

Jasper looked up at the gem circling overhead. Connie couldn't make out the warrior's expression, but it prompted Peridot to shout back, "Hey! Don't look at me in that tone of voice!"

There was a shattering sound and an explosion of dust and grit as the beast emerged, roaring its defiance. A wad of acid flew up at Peridot, who dodged it deftly, sticking her tongue out and thumbing her nose at the enemy while cackling.

Giving a malevolent monocular glare to Peridot and Jasper, the latter of whom was pummeling the creature's midsection, it spat another blob of acid, this time in Connie's direction, then radiated a sense of satisfaction when both of its opponents scrambled in response.

"Squirt! Dodge!" // "Nooo! Connie!" Jasper and Peridot cried out over one another.

Between the sand and her own panic, Connie managed only to stagger back, wide-eyed as the lethal projectile hurtled toward her before covering her head with her arms.

"Eeeert! Wrong answer!" roared Lapis. Bewildered, Connie peered up to see a giant watery fist interposed between her and the monster, a hint of green vanishing within its mass.

Expression dark, one arm outthrust, Lapis strode forward like a svelte blue angel of wrath, her wings fanning out. "Alright kiddies, everyone out of the pool!"

Jasper and Peridot took her meaning and scattered.

The matriarch reared up like a snake preparing to strike only for the colossal hand extending from the ocean to catch it in a vicious uppercut that sent it hurtling.

"Have a drink, you squamous piece of schist!"

Jasper jogged over to Connie, pulling the awestruck girl to her feet.

"No matter how many times I see it, I forget just how powerful she is," mumbled Connie.

The water fist had gripped the monster by the tail and was whipping its body and head back and forth, slamming it repeatedly into the ground. Over the din could be heard Lapis' taunt of, "Puny clod."

Jasper watched the show for a moment, stoic as ever, before turning to face Connie. "Lapis is the hardest hitter of all of us. But power doesn't always secure victory."

 _It sure seems to help,_ thought Connie.

Lapis was floating nearby enjoying the thrill of cutting loose a little. She'd shifted the grip back to its neck and taken to crushing the huge monster in between beating its head into the ground like a drum. The look of surprise in its sole eye was too amusing.

Lapis barely had time to register the blur of motion in her peripheral vision when she felt a sharp pinch around her waist.

"What?" yelped Lapis before being yanked out of the sky so fast that her wings turned to mist. The Centipeetle Matriarch used its tail to spike Lapis into the beach so hard it left an impact crater.

"Lapis!" cried Connie as she sprinted toward her fallen caretaker. Jasper and Peridot once more sprung into battle.

"GNYAAA! How dare you?! I'll dismantle you, you malformed myopic monstrosity!" came Peridot's shrill cry.

"Stay focused!" Jasper barked. "Fight carefully and find a way to put this thing down."

Connie ran up to the edge of the crater and looked down: Lapis had essentially been belly flopped into the sand, her face buried to the ears, the gem at her back sparkling in the light.

Gently the girl helped ease Lapis out of the hole, the latter spitting sand and muttering something about seeing little birdies circling her.

After helping Lapis to the shelter of some ruined temple fragments, Connie peered over the stone and surveyed the scene. Jasper and Peridot were fighting but the behemoth was weathering their attacks. Nearby rubble from the monster's explosive entrance and exit of the Beach House littered the sand.

 

_A nasty look would poof Lapis at this point. Jasper and Peridot don't seem to be able to really hurt the monster. And I'm useless. I can't summon my weapon, I can't shapeshift, I don't have powers, I'm..._

 

Connie shook her head, pushing her doubts and self-reproach aside. _No. Think! Jasper and Peridot have been training me for years. There must be something I'm good for beside supplying vocabulary._

Connie looked at the monster and the battlefield once more, trying to take it all in fresh. The Matriarch was heavily armored, and possessed a long body. If it was like actual centipedes, then it was comparatively soft and vulnerable on the inside. A long piece of broken copper pipe was lying nearby, one end looking particularly jagged from where it had been torn out of the Beach House wall.

 _It's not a candlestick but it'll do,_ thought Connie wryly. 

"Jasper, Peridot," she shouted, sprinting from around the sheltering stone and snatching up the pipe, "I have a plan!"

"Seek shelter, Connie! You're too vulnerable," objected Peridot, dodging another glob of acid.

Jasper leapt back from a heavy tail blow, turning so she could see Connie while keeping the Centipeetle in view. "What do we do?" she asked plainly over a cry of disbelief from Peridot.

"I need you to get me by the place where you broke its carapace before," said Connie hurriedly.

"Fastball special?" asked the gem.

"Fastball special," answered the girl.

Another cry of protective outrage overhead mixed with the steady staccato of sustained blaster fire.

Lowering one large hand for her to mount, Connie hopped on and then held tight as Jasper drew back and then launched the girl.

"Wooo!" she cried as she hurtled toward her target, the wind hitting the pipe just so that it whistled as she flew.

Connie plunged down, ad hoc spear striking out in a two-handed thrust that, combined with the force of her descent meant the metal punched through the still-tough flesh.

The beast roared in pain as Connie hit the sand in a scarcely controlled tumble. Dizzy and disoriented, Connie shouted in the general direction she suspected was skyward, "Peridot! Lightning rod!"

Peridot was beside herself with worry. Warning signs broadcast from her limb enhancers appeared on her visor and were all ignored, her unrelenting barrage fueled by the desperate hope that she could keep the beast distracted long enough for Connie to slip away again.

When she heard her little girl's three-word shout, a manic giggle escaped her as the pieces of her pupil's plan fell into place. Reconfiguring her limb enhancer from blaster to tesla coil, she diverted all auxiliary energy into powering up the capacitor.

There was a loud hum and then a massive bolt of lightning was loosed, striking the rod and sending a powerful surge of electricity throughout the beast's insides.

The matriarch screamed, convulsed, and twitched as its insides were seared. Then, in a blast of smoke, it poofed. Its gem fell to the sand, silent and still.

Not long afterwards Peridot careened into the beach, her limb enhancers too depleted to do more than slow her fall.

Jasper jogged over, bubbled the green and black gemstone, then strode over to Connie’s side. “Good thinking, squirt," she said, helping Connie to her feet once more and ruffling her hair. Connie beamed up at the gem with pride.

Peridot dusted herself off, her limb enhancers smoking slightly, the familiar pattern of their diagnostics routine playing across her visor. Expecting a lecture, Connie was surprised when she was pulled into a tight hug. "Incredible work, dear. Discerning the weakness of the enemy by comparing to to similar fauna... you even managed to employ highly conductive material in your improvised solution."

Connie could only smile at Green gem.

"However, you _were_ employed as a living missile," chided Peridot as she pulled back from the hug, "and I can see numerous abrasions on your clothing and epidermis both. I strongly encourage you to find less theatrical means of victory in the future. Now, Field examination; you know the drill."

Connie nodded, her satisfaction too large to be dimmed by this. “Yes, ma’am. Arms out, palms open.”

Lapis walked over looking slightly more composed though clearly still the worse for wear. "Woo! Connie the conqueror! My girl!" She reached past Peridot and fist-bumped one of Connie's outstretched hands. Peridot tutted at the pair for impeding her scan.

Just then there was the sound of timber breaking as a section of the kitchen wall sloughed off and fell to the sand below. A corner of the Beach House sagged visibly and a smattering of additional debris rained down.

After a long period of silence, Lapis cleared her throat. "So... how 'bout I grab us a pizza for dinner?"

The group could only nod in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that you've finished the first episode of Connie Swap, consider checking out **Episode 2: ...Yet So Far**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _When a menacing Red Eye is about to hit Beach City, Lapis deals with it handily with a tidal wave, clearing up the day for another adventure. The Crystal Gems later go to place the Moon Goddess Statue on top of the ruined Lunar Sea Spire, and Connie tries to prove that she can be useful on a mission._
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> We'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [First](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022179) by [Crooked_Mantis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crooked_Mantis/pseuds/Crooked_Mantis)




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